Hey, it’s you …. welcome. Maybe you met me once, know me well or maybe we’ve never met. Whatever the case, I’m really happy to see you here.
I am an alcoholic who has been sober for eight years. I was molested and raped repeatedly throughout childhood by my biological father. I used to be intensely ashamed of that fact until I learned that Shame is a liar and a cheater. My parents were merely hurt people who happened to also hurt their own children. They taught me how to be and how not to be. For much of my life I pretended to be so many things I wasn’t, until I lost track of who I really was. Becoming sober has brought me clarity and I am in the process of reassembling all the broken pieces, discovering who I am without the hate in my heart, without a brain soaked in alcohol, and without Shame robbing me of anymore time. I am a daughter, I am a sister, I am a mother, I am a wife, I am a friend, I am an aunt, I am a cousin— and yet I have been a performer in each of these roles for most of my life. This is my journey on becoming Maria, the whole person— mind, body and soul. Here, I am documenting one woman’s journey as she stops pretending at life and really begins to live life on her own terms.
After all these years, after being lost in the world for so long, this is the unfolding of my truest self. I might not get it all down on this blog, but here I will record segments of the journey as I become the girl and the woman known to loved ones as Maria.