This is not even a real post. Writing that sentence helps to take some of the pressure off.
I’m hungry, I’m trembly, and I’m a little bit tired. I probably shouldn’t even be here trying to eke out anymore writing for the day. It’s 3:30 on a sunny Monday and I’ve already written (elsewhere) way more than was in today’s plans.
I haven’t been outside since my run this morning. At times like these I’m glad I work alone. I’m feeling a little cranky. I think. Or maybe not. Maybe that’s just my hunger talking.
This book, man. It’s kicking my ass. But it’s kicking my ass in a good way. You know that feeling when you’re doing something you know is going to be way more amazing than you thought? Yeah, me neither.
But maybe …. I think so …. oh hell, I’ll just say it. It’s pretty damn good. Am I jinxing myself? I don’t care. What does that even mean anyway, jinxing? The fuck? Says who? Fuck them.
I’m writing here because I haven’t written a real post since last month. And yet, here I am pawning off this nonsense, because honestly? I’m basically out of gas today, writing-wise. And I don’t really have a specific topic here other than to ramble a little bit. But I’ve been meaning to write something non-podcast-marketing, you know?
You know what my problem is? Okay, maybe it’s not really a problem per sayyyy ….. but I like to hold back, you know? You wouldn’t know it based on the verbosity of the blog. But honestly? In real life, I tend to keep things close to the vest. Yah. I do. I’m a secret-keeper. When you’ve spent most of your life keeping secrets and you decide to change that about yourself, no matter how earnest you are about it, it never really goes away completely.
The way I blog– I pick a moment to write about, a slice of life maybe, such as an hour or more from a scene on one of my given days and I write about it. Tah-dah! A story is told and then I happily retreat into my cave like a turtle going home into her shell, no longer to be heard from for the foreseeable days into weeks …. sometimes.
Lately, my days are filling up, getting busier, and I am struggling with choosing a slice of life to discuss. And one might say, Well then, why don’t you talk about something other than yourself? And to that I might say, Hey smartass, this is not required reading! Yeah, well. I said I was cranky. Besides, I’m ALL THE THINGS, remember? I may be on a love journey but I will always have my shadow. I am sweet and bitter, kind, as well as unkind.
Besides, I’m just thinking out loud.
On a last note, I have no idea what’s happening in the world. And this is a good thing. It helps me to focus on my book. I’m guessing most everything is as I left it a few months ago– same frustrated angry mobs, same sad situations, same scary activities, a lot of loving people soldiering through it all, different days.
On a second last note, I’m generally braver. No longer defined by trending rules about life, I’m braver about showing up when I’m not ready and braver about showing my flabby parts. I like myself way more than I used to. This is a very good thing.