I don’t want you to think I’m over here drowning in a pool of my own tears. I’m better today, truly. I have no regrets about sharing that post yesterday, especially if it made anyone reading feel less alone with their own angst.
I’m strengthening my Love muscle over here, getting my heart pumped for deeper truth-telling. Am I nervous about that? Hell yeah, I am! A few weeks ago, I made a whiny entry in the private journal, appealing to my angels. I said, What am I supposed to be doing with all this truth stuff? No one else is spilling their guts with truth? Huh? Why meeee?
And you know what the answer was, don’t you? My angels are like a super loving mom, offering her lessons gently— she steps back, smiles that intuitive, loving smile, and utters not one word. Right. The look in her eyes says it all, I trust you to make the right choice and I love you no matter what.
The angels were quiet! But I feel can feel them around me and I feel Love ballooning from the pit of my soul. Strangers are showing up in my real life in uncannily loving ways. Some people seem drawn to me more than usual. Casual exchanges with strangers feel electric with Love and it’s not even the Christmas season! Not everyone is this way of course, but I can’t ignore the eery beauty in some of these exchanges.
So I’m over here like a runner, bouncing up and down at the starting line before a marathon, stopping to stretch her legs and arms, limbering up for the long run. Except in my case, I am unpacking emotional baggage, examining what gets tossed, and what I might need to hang onto for further character development. Frankly, it’s mostly all good stuff, be it dark or be it light.
I know how it may look sometimes— a little bit cray-cray. Like, yo! Wait, are those tears in her eyes?! Is she alright?
And the answer is a resounding, Yassss! I’m very fine, thank you.
The more I unpack these feelings, the deeper I go with Love, the more I lean in ….. oh my, oh my! The journey is beautiful, delicious and fantastic! Too many of us have been missing out on delving into the unknown and unpredictable spaces of our existence. Yes, it’s scary to have wind knocked out of you, airborne and hurtling like a boomerang. But tell the truth, aren’t you even a little bit curious?
When was the last time you tried a scary ride and returned giddy and laughing because you didn’t die after all? Maybe it was a roller-coaster ride or bungee jumping or para-sailing or jet skiing or parachuting out of a plane. Scary activities are so frequently marketed to entice us towards thrilling physical adventures.
Now ask yourself, why not this, exploring deeper Love? No, not platitudes of paying it forward or gratitude or what the world needs, is love sweet love. Not those overused quotes in memes running rampant through social media. Why so little talk about Love delving, the kind not diluted with parenthetical new age references? Why so little talk about unpacking the layered experiences of one’s own heart? Why? Because this is where all the super-power in each of us lives, that’s why.
Do you remember what it feels like to be newly in love? How full of life and invincible you felt? How you walked on clouds and no problem felt too big to handle? Oh! To be able to bottle that feeling and inject yourself with it anytime— how amazing would that be! Well, we can do this anytime with our own intentional Love quest.
We weren’t born for safe, quiet, predictable living. I mean, you can try living that way if you want to. However, the world is going to crash your quiet-living party whether you invite it in or not. Why not grab the levers of your own life while you are still free to do so?
Am I cured of pain and tears for good? Hell no! But check out my pecks …. feel that? Okay, not rock hard exactly, more like an almost-full bag of packed sugar, at the very least. That’s muscle right there. I’m a badass. I do hard things.
I’m better today. And I’m going to ride these better moments with all the gas it gives until the wheels start wobbling again. Cuz that’s how real life goes.
Sending you my love.
~ Maria ❤