Dear Muse, Can We Not? Thanks.

Could you not do that thing where you wake me up after I’ve only been sleeping a mere two hours with that great idea that can’t seem to wait until morning, when I and the rest of the world are regularly up and walking around? Seriously.

I’m not trying to sound ungrateful, I’m really not. I love all of your pokes and prods and all of your whisperings, especially when you come at me in the shower— those are my fave! I have pen and paper at the ready in every room in the house because of you, so you must know how much I love and respect you. I am a writer, you are the high priestess of my writing life. But can we talk about these middle of the night nudges, these ungodly hours where it seems you misread my signal on occasions, when it appears you thought I was calling on you when all I really wanted to do was pee and go back to bed?

I was trying to cooperate, I wrote down the one line in the dark. But it seems like that only made things worse. You nudged me harder and it felt like you were peeling back my eyelids with your angel fingers. Okay, okay, I’m up! But now look at us. You are other-worldly, surely you can feel the grudge in my writing at the moment. It’s totally dark in here— I’m refusing to turn on the light in my own office! My eyeballs are burning and my body yearns to be prone again.

Maybe you have me confused with one of your other assignees, yes? I’m Maria, the girl who quit her job thirteen months ago? Yes yes, it’s me, Muse. I don’t have to be anywhere but here in the home office tomorrow, I promise. During daylight I will be all ears and open channels for your brilliant intuition, I promise. But right now? Oh sweet, beautiful Muse, whom I adore, this only feels punishing. You’re killing me!

Okay, yes I get it, there are some ideas that are especially meant for pre-dawn darkness. You are absolutely right about that. But being asleep for two hours can’t possibly fall into the pre-dawn category, can it? I mean there are some people who are still operating on night time at this hour– they haven’t even gone to bed yet!

So let’s consider this a compromise. Let’s call it even between us with a promise to revisit our premonition channel together later. Doesn’t that sound like a good plan? After all, I do understand how this works— you visit me with a great idea, I ignore you, so then you pack up your inspiration and you give it to someone more willing than I am to get their lazy butt out of bed. I get it. But look, Muse, you can’t say I didn’t respond. You can’t say I didn’t try. So what if it’s dark in here?! So what? The conditions under which I write fall under my purview, not yours.

You and me are square, okay Muse? I did what you asked of me. So you can skedaddle knowing you are welcome in my head anytime. And I am thankful, I really am. There are plenty of times when you show up during the day hours and I appreciate you for that. Feel free to keep those day visits steadily coming. As for right now, I am returning to my bed. I have noted the other writing ideas— Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, yup! I got it. We’ve discussed it before, we’ve agreed to let those ideas ruminate and unfold some more. It’s unfolding, it’s coming. Don’t worry, I got it.

Are we good? Can I go back to bed now? Cuz that’s what’s about to happen. Okay? I’m going back to bed.