The Plan Is To See This Through …

….. I’m not sure how long that should take, so I’m going to follow a typical company blueprint regarding newly hired employees. I think a commitment of at least one year of blogging is a good place to start. That could lead to my being here three years or five years or thirty-five years, I don’t know. But at least now I know I’m committed to writing posts On Becoming Maria for a minimum of one year, no matter what happens.

I’m not going to play coy here. I’m always tempted to, so I have to be mindful of that kind of manipulative behavior on my part. Coyness has been one of my modus operandi for as long as I can remember, it’s a default defense I like to employ. Learning to live without using it is still new. Sobriety.

I can’t go on pretending this blog is strictly for me. Readers are here whether I expected them or not. It doesn’t matter if there are three or thirty-three reading along, whenever I write here, it is no longer just about me. So I feel like an update is in order.

As I focus on the inner-workings of self, I have stumbled upon revelations which I can’t properly explain. Not all of my discoveries have been simple or straightforward, some  have been complicated. I need more time to both absorb and allow the lessons to continue in their unfolding. I hope that makes sense. As a result, I am blogging less frequently.

Just so we’re clear, I don’t see myself as above others who might be blogging with more frequency. Ha! No way. I can assure you I am no guru standing serenely on some mountain top, I am just an ordinary woman on her own personal journey of Self,  recording some of it on a blog. Many of my shenanigans and idiot ways are still vibrating through me like live wire. On the other hand, I’ve also discovered just how beautiful and amazing I really am. And I know if an asshole like me can find the sweet wonder in her own existence, then so can anyone else who may have ever felt as unworthy as I used to so regularly feel in this life.

So that’s what’s up, people. I’m not flaking out and I’m not playing coy. When I started this blog I knew I would be treading through unfamiliar waters, I knew I would be publicly lost (although, I didn’t know how lost). As far as I can tell, for the foreseeable future, I am not going to have a lot to share beyond weekly updates. But of course, that could change into brief flurries of frequent postings on occasion. You’ll know when I know.

For those of you who are still here or just arrived, I’m glad to have you along. Thanks for sharing in my journey. I am a trainwreck in its detangling and revamping process. If you’re a rubber-necker like me, pull up a chair. 😉